Controlling behavior

Abusers often display controlling tendencies, such as dictating who their partner can see, what they can wear, or where they can go. Abusers will demand for the victim to stop seeing some of their friends male and/or female because they consider them a bad influence or a threat to their relationship. Many victims accept their terms because they think their partner knows best and do not want their relationship to fall apart because of other people. Many abusers have a problem with what their partner wears in public, insisting that it is too provocative or flirtatious to wear a skirt or a dress. They blame victims for trying to impress somebody else if they wear something they do not like. This behavior is usually camouflaged as overprotectiveness or jealousy and that is the reason why victims often ignore this type of behavior. If the victim does not agree or listen to their abuser, they might accuse them of cheating without justification.

Manipulation

Abusers often manipulate their partners to maintain control. This manipulation can take many forms, including guilt-tripping, gaslighting (making their partner doubt their own perceptions or sanity), or making threats to keep their partner compliant. Guilt-tripping is usually consisted of repetitive sentences and false statements to make the victim feel bad. Some of those often-heard sentences are:
– “If you ____, you do not love me”/ “If you do that you do not love me”
– “If you leave me, I will kill myself”
– “You care more about your friends than me”
– “I sacrifice so much for you, and this is how you repay me?”
– “I guess I’m just not good enough for you.”

These are a few out of many sentences used by abusers to make victims feel guilty and obey them. Gaslighting is also a close term which is used to make the victims believe they are in the wrong by convincing them into believing something else.

– “That didn’t happen; you’re imagining things.”
– “You’re just being too sensitive.”
– “You’re crazy if you think I would ever do something like that.”
– “You’re just making things up to make me look bad.”
– “You’re always overreacting.”
– “You’re just being paranoid.”

History of abuse

While not always the case, a history of abusive behavior in previous relationships is often a predictor of future abuse. They usually blame the victims by saying “All my exes were crazy” in order to make you believe that they are not the problem. Abusers often refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead blame others, including their partner, for their behavior.

Verbal abuse and physical violence

This is one of the most obvious signs of an abusive partner. However, it often doesn’t appear until later in the relationship. These signs appear when partners have a disagreement or a conflict, and the abuser for example hits, throws or breaks things around them, or raise a hand to hit their partner but instead hits the wall next to them etc. If they are violent and cannot control their anger other than with violence, there is a high chance that next time their partner would be hurt. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Insults, degradation, yelling, or constant criticism are all forms of verbal abuse that can undermine a person’s self-esteem and confidence.

In conclusion, recognizing the early signs of an abusive partner is paramount for safeguarding one’s emotional and physical well-being within a relationship. Whether it’s through controlling behavior, manipulation tactics like guilt-tripping and gaslighting, or a history of abuse, these warning signs serve as crucial indicators of potential harm. It’s essential to trust one’s instincts and seek support if any of these red flags arise, as addressing abuse requires courage and support from trusted individuals or professionals. By understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships and empowering individuals to recognize and respond to early signs of abuse, we can strive towards fostering healthier and safer relationships for all. Remember, everyone deserves to be treated with respect, love, and dignity in their relationships.